If you're like me, maybe this is how you had planned your life.
You'll have a stable job by 22. You'll be financially stable at 24. You'll buy a house at 25. You'll get married at 28 and have kids.
You're probably 25 years old now and your life is the complete opposite of what you had envisioned. You're still living with your parents. You're jobless. You've had your share of failed relationships and ...
Frustrating, right? But what if I told you there is a secret sauce? A way to stop pitying yourself for not being able to catch up. Well, keep reading to find out.
The real reason you're always feeling behind in life
Let's be real here. For us to feel behind in life there is something that initiates the whole thing. There is a button that has been pressed. But what is the magic button(s)?
1.) Societal pressures and expectations
Have a child by 28. Buy a house by 24. Have a job that pays you well by 25. Become a business owner by 25. It's like there's this bell that controls our lives. The moment it rings we're supposed to do this. When it rings again we are supposed to stop doing this and do something else.
This bell is pressure in disguise. Pressure from social media. Pressure from the society-you're supposed to be doing this and that at a certain time. The pressure that results from unrealistic expectations we've set for ourselves.
What we forget is part of this pressure is majorly a highlight reel- the best parts of their lives.
2.) Comparing oneself to others
You're probably scrolling through your Instagram while thinking to yourself :
"Damn, I wish I could also own one of those sleek rides."
It's okay. I mean who doesn't? We are all humans. Our brains are designed to want to measure up to other humans. Comparing ourselves to others can make us feel inadequate, especially, when we don't have what they have. It can also hold us back from achieving our goals.
This is because we are so focused on the progress that other people make and we forget to celebrate our success. Everyone has their unique path. You just need to let go of the comparison and embrace your journey.
3.)Personal setbacks and challenges
Life is a journey. And just like any other journey challenges are essential components. These setbacks can make us feel like we are failing people. They can make us feel like we are not measuring up to their expectations. They can make us feel like we are not measuring up to our expectations. As a result, we feel behind in life.
It can be a tough feeling to shake off. It can be easy to develop negative thoughts. Let's say you've been working hard for a promotion. The promotion gets passed to someone else in the office. You start feeling that all that hard work is useless.
You feel the reason you didn't get the position is because you're not good enough. But here is the thing: setbacks are not a sign of weaknesses. Setbacks are a sign of strength. Do you know why?
They push us out of our comfort zones. They make us take that one risky move. They make us grow into something bigger, stronger, and better.
Coping mechanisms: How to enjoy your present life
Now that we know of the causes of this feeling, Let's see some techniques we can adopt to be proud of our present life.
1) Practice self-reflection and self-compassion
Research studies show an increase of 25% in suicide rate among teenagers. The contributing factor is depression which comes from spending time on social networks. A pretty high number, right? As Gen-Z, we want to have it all. Instead of beating yourself up for feeling behind in life, why not try to show yourself some love? There are two ways you can do this:
Self-compassion
The art of being kind and understanding to yourself, just as you would be to a friend. It means accepting your flaws without judgment.
When you practice self-compassion, you're likely to be patient with yourself. You see mistakes as a learning opportunity. You don't see yourself as not good enough or falling behind in life.
Self-reflection
The art of critically examining your values, thoughts, feelings, and behavior. It is like self-diagnosis. Examining why you feel how you feel.
Let's say whenever you have a certain conversation with your parents, you always end up angry. When you write your journal about how you feel during self-reflection, you're more likely to dig into your feelings and get to the root cause of this problem.
When you practice self-reflection, you're more likely to be honest with yourself about what you feel and want. When practicing self-reflection and self -compassion keep this in mind:
- Be kind to yourself. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend who is feeling down.
- Forgive yourself for your mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. Don't dwell on them.
- Accept your flaws. Everyone has flaws. What makes you unique is also what makes you special.
- Be patient with yourself. Change takes time. Don't expect to be perfect overnight.
- Set realistic goals. Don't set yourself up for failure by setting unrealistic goals.
- Celebrate your successes. No matter how small, take the time to celebrate your successes.
- Talk to someone you trust. Talking to a friend, family member, therapist, or counselor can help you to process your feelings and develop coping strategies.
2) Set realistic goals and focus on progress, not perfection When you have goals, it gives you a sense of direction and purpose. It's a tool that measures your progress. When you've not set goals, you'll never know how much progress you're making.
You'll never feel like you're making progress. You'll never appreciate your efforts. You'll always feel inadequate because you're comparing yourself to others. You feel as though they are better than you. As a result, you feel behind in life.
When you set goals, go for realistic ones. High and unrealistic goals breed perfectionism. Therefore, it's important to make them achievable so that you don't get discouraged and give up.
3) Challenge your negative thoughts
When you start to feel behind, pay attention to your thoughts. Are you telling yourself negative things like "I'm never going to catch up" or "I'm a failure"? If so, challenge these thoughts with more positive and realistic ones.
Instead of focusing on what you haven't accomplished, take some time to reflect on your progress. What have you achieved so far? What steps have you taken towards your goals? Celebrating your successes, no matter how small can help you stay motivated.
4) Practice gratitude
Gratitude can help you shift your focus away from negative thoughts and feelings. Take some time each day to reflect on the things you are grateful for. This can help you appreciate what you have and reduce feelings of inadequacy.
5) Limit social media exposure
Social media can often make us feel like we're not good enough. If you find that social media is making you feel behind, take a break from it or limit your exposure.
6) Take care of yourself
Make sure you are taking care of your physical and emotional health. This means eating healthy, exercising, getting enough sleep, and doing activities that you enjoy. Taking care of yourself will give you the energy and focus you need to reach your goals.
7) Seek support from loved ones or a therapist
Your loved ones can offer you support and encouragement. They can also help you to see your strengths and accomplishments.
If you're not comfortable talking to your loved ones, you can also seek professional help from a therapist. Therapists are trained to help people cope with difficult emotions and make positive changes in their lives.
Here are some specific ways that seeking support can help:
• It can provide you with a safe space to express your feelings without judgment.
• It can help you to understand your feelings and why you're feeling behind.
• It can help you to set realistic goals and make a plan to achieve them.
• It can give you the motivation and support you need to keep moving forward.
8) Take small steps toward your goals
This can help you feel less overwhelmed and more in control. When you break down your goals into smaller manageable pieces tasks, they become less daunting and more achievable. And with the small progress you make, you'll feel proud of yourself. As a result, boosts your confidence and motivation.
Here are a few tips to get you started:
• Start by setting SMART goals. This means making sure your goals are specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound.
• Break down your goals into smaller, more manageable tasks.
• Set deadlines for each task.
• Reward yourself for completing tasks and making progress.
• Don't be afraid to ask for help.
Remember, it's all about taking one step at a time. Don't worry about getting to the end goal right away. Just focus on making progress and celebrating your accomplishments along the way.
9) Try new things and step out of your comfort zone
That can be a total game-changer. It might seem scary at first, but trust me, the benefits are worth it. You'll learn new skills, meet new people, and gain a whole new perspective on life.
Plus, it's a great way to shake things up and get out of a rut. So don't be afraid to take a leap of faith and try something new. Who knows, it might just be the thing that propels you forward and helps you reach your goals.
What road will you take?
Feeling behind in life is a common experience, but it's important to remember that everyone's journey is different. By focusing on self-reflection, setting realistic goals, and taking small steps toward progress. Naomi Campbell didn't subside to the societal pressure and still had her happily ever after. Same as Britney Spears. What are you waiting for?
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