Even when we don't intend to, we compare ourselves to other people from time to time. This is because the unconscious mind takes over. We are not even aware that we are making the comparison. Chances are you are probably watching someone or something. And measuring yourself if you match up with them. Their house, kitchen cabinets, skills, and so on.
This comparison takes two forms:
- The other person is better than us. For example, you see someone driving the latest SUV. You immediately start thinking about how better off they are.
- We are better than the other person. You see someone wearing the same outfit multiple times. You immediately start thinking about how better off you are.
The first comparison is what we experience 90% of the time. It goes like this: You see someone whose outfit interests you and you think to yourself," I wish my wardrobe could have one of those dresses."
Comparing ourselves to others has its upsides and downsides. When the comparison is healthy, we make progress. When the comparison is toxic, our mental health gets affected in the process.
Why do I compare myself to others?
We human beings are social creatures. Our brains like to measure up to other human beings. We want to have what they have. This is because we believe it is what is required of us to fit in the pack.
Social media has also largely contributed to this comparison. It's a highlight reel only showing us the best parts. But here's the thing: we don't only have our best parts. We also have our worst parts. And those worst parts are what we lack.
The things that we lack are the ones making us compare ourselves to others.
How comparing yourself to others affects your life
Comparing ourselves to others affects us more negatively than positively. Here are some of the common symptoms we experience when we compare ourselves to others.
It breeds entitlement
Do you sometimes feel like your problems are special?
Do you sometimes feel like to deserve to be treated differently because you believe your problems are 'special'?
If your answer to these questions is a yes, then comparing yourself to others has successfully succeeded in its mission.
For example, after you see how much wealth someone owns, you think to yourself how you are a person who should own that wealth. You believe you went through more challenges than that person.
Overcompensating(overspending)
Do you sometimes see something that you already own, and still think of buying it?
I do this 80% of the time. A new set of cooking pots but with modified features. A new set of workout pants. The new ab machine. You get the point.
It's not a bad thing to get a new pair of cooking sets or workout pants that make your backside look bigger. The problem is that social networks are feeding on your need to want to measure up. As a result, you feel that something is lacking without these advancements.
The aftermath?
You spend more and more on every advanced product you see. In other words, you are overcompensating. Where do you want to take 50 waist trainers? Where do you want to take 30 pairs of running shoes?
Other effects include anxiety and depression.
Someone once said,
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Now that you know what the thief is up to then there's nothing good we should expect from comparing ourselves to others.
What you can do to limit the amount of comparison to others
Limit the time you spend on social networks
I am giving you a challenge, log in to your Instagram account right now. The first images that will welcome you are happy faces. Everyone seems to be having the time of their lives. You on the other side, dread your job, house, clothes, and even your whole life.
I don't blame you for feeling sad because social media is showing you what you lack. It's making you anxious, overly stressed, and depressed. Who said you can't leave this comparison trap?
These 4 tips come in handy:
- Set the screen time for apps that allow you to access social networks.
- Unfollow accounts that make you compare yourself to others by raising your anxiety.
- Do something constructive with your time instead of comparing yourself to others like reading a book.
Use the comparison as a catalyst for change
A healthy dose of comparison is not bad, especially if you use it as fuel to make progress. Let's take this example,
James your coworker has excellent public speaking and presentation skills. If you compare yourself to James, you're trying to be a good speaker like him. You learn a thing or two from him.
Keep a gratitude journal
Other people call this counting your blessings. Practicing gratitude can make a significant impact on your life. When you're successful even a small victory is still a victory. You can do this in your journal or a separate journal called the gratitude journal.
You can also do this in a gratitude journal app. Create a list of at least 3 things you're grateful for about yourself. You can use this list I recently created to help you get started.
I am grateful for the 14 new followers on Medium.
I am grateful to be alive.
I am grateful for the good health.
I am grateful for the lives of my loved ones.
Celebrate other people
The aftermath of comparing ourselves to others is always jealousy and gossiping. We can change that. Instead of cursing other people in the corner maybe we can celebrate them.
If your coworker is James, then instead of badmouthing him with other colleagues, you can celebrate the success he adds to your company.
Remember that everyone has insecurities and embrace your insecurities
I pity whoever made you feel bad about your lack of six-pack or flat tummy. We can't be exceptional in all areas of ourselves. If you have a six-pack chances are you don't love your job. If you have a flat tummy chances are you have social anxiety.
Now that you know everyone has insecurities, including your boss who puts on a straight face, do you still feel comparing yourself to others is worth it?
Learn to focus on your reality
Even though social media is curated to show the best, not every best that you see is a reality. You can never really know what is happening behind the scenes. If you keep on comparing yourself to others, you'll end up getting attached to what is fake.
Social media highlight reels only show you a reflection of happiness. No one has a perfect body, we all have scars. Thanks to the filters, we can all have perfect bodies.
Focus on your strengths
Sure you have weaknesses that make you drown in depression after seeing the strengths of other people. Who said that you shouldn't also focus on your strength? It seems like everyone is focusing on the strength. Money, cars, marketing skills, and so on that make you compare yourself to them.
Your strengths are someone's weaknesses. They are your accomplishments. They are what set yours apart from everyone else. And sometimes maybe you need to write them to remind yourself who you are. Here is an example,
I have good listening skills. I can help someone with their problem. Because sometimes all that someone needs to a listening ear.
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